Tuesday, May 18, 2010
What I asked for
This is an entry from my journal that I wrote on the plane. It's the "disclaimer" to my journal.
16 May 2010
While reading through [my journal entries] I realized I have mostly talked about the good, beautiful and positive things but fail to mention most of the sad, heartbreaking and ugly things. (A lot of which consume Uganda).
I think part of this has to do with the fact that for a lot of the trip I felt "out of it" (to others and myself). I believe that I was like that because there is and was and will be so much to process. And the bad stuff is the hardest to process and understand because the more I think about it,the sadder (for lack of a better word), more distracted, upset and uneasy I become.
It is hard to think about/soak in all the things that make up Uganda, let alone write or talk about them.
This is not meant to sound like a wonderful, lovely, happy trip. It was hard, relentless, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically draining. No one really WANTS to experience everything that is in Uganda. Yes, I LOVED it but that had a lot to do with the people (not the places or circumstances of peoples lives) and God. I enjoyed the trip because every moment I was there I knew I was where God wanted me to be. And I was working to fill the hole in our gospel by loving Him and my neighbors (even the ones half way around the world).
I was taking my faith into action and caring for the poor, the widows and the orphans. He gave me joy, peace and eyes to see the beauty in the people and not judging them based on their situation -- no I was not perfect, but I tried. There were days I was judgemental, frustrated and confused, but God held my hand all the way through (through the hands of the children of Uganda).
Things are slowly seeping in and taking root. I cried on the plane ride home as some of the emotions of it all started to hit me. I am guessing it was only the first of many tears to come (so far I've been right) but it is okay. It is what I asked for.