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This is an entry from my journal that I wrote on the plane. It's the "disclaimer" to my journal.
16 May 2010
While reading through [my journal entries] I realized I have mostly talked about the good, beautiful and positive things but fail to mention most of the sad, heartbreaking and ugly things. (A lot of which consume Uganda).
I think part of this has to do with the fact that for a lot of the trip I felt "out of it" (to others and myself). I believe that I was like that because there is and was and will be so much to process. And the bad stuff is the hardest to process and understand because the more I think about it,the sadder (for lack of a better word), more distracted, upset and uneasy I become.
It is hard to think about/soak in all the things that make up Uganda, let alone write or talk about them.
This is not meant to sound like a wonderful, lovely, happy trip. It was hard, relentless, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically draining. No one really WANTS to experience everything that is in Uganda. Yes, I LOVED it but that had a lot to do with the people (not the places or circumstances of peoples lives) and God. I enjoyed the trip because every moment I was there I knew I was where God wanted me to be. And I was working to fill the hole in our gospel by loving Him and my neighbors (even the ones half way around the world).
I was taking my faith into action and caring for the poor, the widows and the orphans. He gave me joy, peace and eyes to see the beauty in the people and not judging them based on their situation -- no I was not perfect, but I tried. There were days I was judgemental, frustrated and confused, but God held my hand all the way through (through the hands of the children of Uganda).
Things are slowly seeping in and taking root. I cried on the plane ride home as some of the emotions of it all started to hit me. I am guessing it was only the first of many tears to come (so far I've been right) but it is okay. It is what I asked for.
Thanks for that. Many of us will pray God helps you sort through those experiences and then helps you in some small way to communicate some of that to us. We give glory to God in it all...the hope of glory.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I so appreciate your prayers and encouragement! It's exactly what I need as I try to sort through it all and communicate it back (like you said). To God be all the Glory. Amen!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful description Shae! Love you and praying for all of the team as they come home and process.
ReplyDeleteLaLaShae,
ReplyDeleteWell said. I feel much the same. It was really exhausting for me to fight back tears during many of those experiences. You are a wonderful young woman and God has an awesome plan for you! (Your dad is pretty cool too - don't tell him I said that)
Take care,
Kevin
Uncle Kevin!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am so glad you were on our team! You brought a fun and exciting element to the team...and took AWESOME pictures! You are such an example of the joy we have in Christ. So thanks. (and I will be sure to not tell my dad what you said ;)). Hope to see you soon.
God Bless You!
Lalashae.
Oh Lala... So good. I think I may have to copy that (with credit given) into my journal when I get home... Because I think that's probably how I'll feel too. I love and miss you so much. And I'm SOOO glad we got to be in this beautiful country together.
ReplyDelete